I didn’t finish what I had planned for today, so instead I decided to give a little preview of what I’ve been working on and what’s coming up:
A tie how-to for the little men in your life
A beginner’s quilt for that special someone
Blackout curtains because your house heats up like an oven in the afternoon
And, finally, a look from the original Naked palette
Yay! I’m excited to share. And to get some of these projects finished. I’ve been putting those curtains off because I’m so overwhelmed by the task. Hopefully this weekend will see some progress.
And now, to be real. I haven’t gotten a lot done lately because I’ve been dealing with a double-dose of depression and anxiety. I don’t share this because I’m looking for sympathy or anything like that. I just promised to be real in this space, and that’s what I’m going to do.
Anxiety and I are old friends. Friends is perhaps the wrong word, maybe nemeses would be better. In any case, just know that we are very well acquainted. It’s something I’ve learned to manage. People in real life tend to see me as high-stress (and high-maintenance). I tell people that I have anxiety, but I don’t think a lot of people get it. It’s not something I can control or just “stop stressing over”. I can manage it. But not control it. Most of the time, I’m fine. I’m lucky, I think. It doesn’t haunt me on a daily basis and I have a very normal life. But sometimes it rears its ugly head and then it’s just about getting by from day to day.
Depression is newer to me. In times past, when the anxiety was new and really out of control and I hadn’t learned how to work with it yet, I would think, Why does it have to be anxiety? I think I’d prefer depression.
I don’t think that any more.
Again, I think I’m pretty lucky. I can get out of bed and take care of my family and function pretty normally. It’s just that doing these things is a lot, lot harder and I do it all with this horrible, awful pit in my stomach. It’s kind of like trying to walk through water. When you’re walking normally, it’s pretty easy. You can do it without even thinking. But with depression, my life is kind of like walking through water. Or maybe Jell-o (not that I’ve ever walked in Jell-o). There’s a lot of resistance. I have to think about it. Make myself do it.
But I know things will be okay. Let me re-phrase that. I think things will be okay. I don’t know how (which is part of where the anxiety is stemming from), but they will. I’m working on an action plan, because that’s what I do. I’ll implement that and I think it will help because I like to be doing something. Putting together a plan has been harder than usual because, well, the walking-through-Jell-o thing. But I’ll work on it and I will wait and sing these lyrics from The Secret Garden (the musical):
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say:
“It’s the storm, not you,
That’s bound to blow away.”